Netanyahu Announces “Final Solution to Antisemitism Problem”

Dissociated Press

Israeli Prime Minister Benyamin Netanyahu, flanked by tag-team partners “Butcher” Ben Gvir and “Smite-’em” Smotrich, announced at a press conference this morning that the Israeli government has officially embarked on “a final solution to the anti-Semitism problem.”

“The problem with anti-Semitism,” Netanyahu explained, “is that there isn’t nearly enough of it. Despite Judaism’s 3000-year history of hatred and persecution of non-Jews, there are still billions of goyim out there who don’t hate us. So when we kvetch about anti-Semitism and demand things in return, like reparations money and tolerance for genocide, there just isn’t enough anti-Semitism out there to make our kvetching remotely credible.

“For centuries, perhaps millennia, we’ve taken a weak, ad-hoc approach to creating the levels of anti-Semitism we need to incite and justify our self-serving psychopathic behavior. Sharp practices, usury, selling drugs and alcohol, the sex trade, ethnic nepotism, seizing control of key economic and political sectors by stealth…then the Federal Reserve coup, the Kennedy assassinations, the USS Liberty incident, and even 9/11...none of it was nearly enough to make the goyim hate us as much as we need them to.

“So now we are going to completely exterminate the Gazans while they live-stream it to the whole world. We estimate that by the time we’re done, global anti-Semitism levels, on a scale of one to ten, will have reached eleven.

“ADL polling data shows that prior to our all-out genocide campaign that began last October, only 26% of the world’s population was anti-Semitic—and that figure was, of course, grossly inflated, with the real number closer to 2.6%.  But since then, we’ve seen the anti-Semitism rate skyrocket, as people watch IDF soldiers and other Israelis celebrating the massacre and mutilation of tens of thousands of women and children.

“According to projections by our AI Supercomputer code-named Red Heifer, by ‘finishing the job’ in Gaza, we can drive the global anti-Semitism level up to 110 percent. That means that of the world’s 8.1 billion people, 9 billion will be anti-Semites!

“With more anti-Semites than there are people on Earth, we will have established permanent, credible support for our narrative that we are, and have ever and always been, spotless persecuted victims, and that everyone everywhere (and then some) hates us for no reason at all. We will finally be in a position to credibly demand infinity in reparations for all eternity, and to insist that the goyim admit their inferiority and consent to being our slaves. In short, we will have achieved the long-sought Final Solution to the Antisemitism Problem.”

When a skeptical reporter asked what would happen if some people still refused to become anti-Semites even after watching a whole year of livestreamed genocide, Netanyahu deadpanned:

“In that case, I guess we might have to build gas chambers.”