In the wake of Israeli media claims that Hamas used a miracle health and beauty potion to make female hostages look pert, vivacious, and just downright gorgeous, thousands of Israeli women have breached the apartheid wall separating Israel from Gaza and are marching toward Hamas headquarters in hopes of being taken hostage.
The huge parade of female Zionists thronging towards Hamas headquarters was captured by aerial drones:
The beauty-potion stampede erupted after Israeli investigative journalists discovered the real reason why Hamas’s captives looked so stunningly attractive, and were so obviously enjoying the bloom of health and vitality, as they flashed V-for-Hamas-victory signs upon their release from 15 months of incarceration.
As it turned out, contrary to appearances, the captives had been horrendously maltreated. According the Jerusalem Post, the captured female soldiers “drank seawater and ate only bread and rice” for the entire 15 months. Since human beings can survive only a few days on seawater, the captives must have died during their first week of captivity, and then been brought back to life by Hamas’s patented health and beauty concoction shortly prior to their release.
Umm Obeida, spokeswoman for Hamas’s Health and Beauty division, announced at a Gaza City press conference:
“Hamas’s unique health and beauty restorative not only makes ugly Zionists beautiful, it even brings seawater-sodden corpses back to life. No wonder thousands of Israeli women are lining up for it!
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Brilliant, thanks
Perfect, Kevin, PERFECT!!