Earth to Be Demolished to Make Way for Holocaust Museum

Dissociated Press

The Intergalactic Holocaust Remembrance Committee (IHRC) has announced that Earth will be demolished next Tuesday at 11 a.m. to make way for the construction of a new Intergalactic Holocaust Museum.

Prostetnic Vogonowitcz Jeltzstein, president of the IHRC and de facto ruler of the universe, announced the news in a message simultaneously broadcast to every audio device on Earth:

“This is Prostetnic Vogonowitcz Jeltzstein of the Intergalactic Holocaust Remembrance Committee. As you will no doubt be aware, the plans for development of the outlying regions of the Galaxy require the building of Holocaust museums throughout your star system. And regrettably, your planet is one of those scheduled for demolition. The process will take slightly less than two of your Earth minutes. Thank you.”

The IHRC has been building Holocaust museums throughout the galaxy and beyond in an effort to ensure that nobody anywhere in the entire universe ever ever ever forgets the Holocaust. And after next Tuesday, nobody on Earth will forget the Holocaust, because nobody will be on Earth, nor will there be any Earth for them to be on.

Supporters of the IHRC project note that it will solve a long list of problems including nuclear war, pandemics, climate change, vaccine hesitancy, and residual prejudices against people with unusual sex habits. Given all of its advantages, it’s obvious why the plan has garnered the support of all significant mainstream media outlets.

Antisemitic conspiracy theorists have baselessly argued that the IHRC is actually a rogue AI that was originally designed to make as many paper clips as possible, but due to a programming error has been building Holocaust museums instead. Fortunately, those claims have been debunked by Snopes.com.