Ear-Cutters Cut Off Van Gogh’s Cut-Off Ear to Protest Climate Change

Dissociated Press

Environmental activists blaming Vincent Van Gogh for climate change have mutilated the famous artist’s “Self Portrait Minus Ear” by slashing off part of the canvas with a razor blade. The activists severed and removed the portion of the painting depicting the bandage that covered the part of the artist’s head where the ear used to be, saying that their act symbolizes the kind of forceful measures that will be needed to prevent humanity from dumping another 2,000 billion metric tons of carbon into the atmosphere. “We need to cut off carbon with the same resolute spirit Van Gogh demonstrated when he cut off his ear,” explained Blaine “Bubbles” Bubbelsby, self-styled spokesmutilator for the Society of Crazy Art Mutilators (SCAM), a performance art ensemble out of Artyrau, Kazakhstan.

The mutilation of the “mutilation self-portrait” came only hours after activists in New York threw a can of tomato soup at Andy Warhol’s famous “Portrait of a Can of Tomato Soup.”

Bubbelsby explained that by mutilating the craziest paintings in history, thereby proving that they are even crazier than the crazy artists, and possibly almost as crazy as the people who pay hundreds of millions of dollars for the crazy artists’ crazy paintings, the activists hope to garner attention for their cause and use crowdfunding to defray the expense of undergoing psychiatric testing and institutionalization.

Reached at his Penthouse Suite in the Betty Ford Fossil Fuel Addiction Clinic in Rauncho Mirage, California, Al Gore lauded the crazy art mutilators and said that if a few more paintings are defaced, humanity’s survival will be virtually assured.