Democrats Rebrand as “Party of Freedom (From)”

Dissociated Press

At the Democratic Convention in Chicago this morning, the party’s Freedom Caucus unveiled a bold new initiative rebranding the Democrats—formerly viewed as the commissars of the hectoring nanny state and the murderous torturing genocidal spooks of the authoritarian national security state—as “The Party of Freedom.”

Freedom Caucus chairperson Libertas Libertas, an individual who freed themselves from their real name in 2010, and from the tyranny of gender (through surgery and chemicals) in 2019, says they underwent an even riskier philosophy-change operation at the Mayo Clinic last month—and convinced the Democrats to do likewise. Libertas explained that the Democrats’ new pro-freedom position was made possible by a minor operation on English grammar and syntax known as preposition-change surgery: “By replacing ‘of’ with ‘from’ in the Bill of Rights and the national political philosophy it founded, the notion of freedom becomes something even Democrats can embrace.”

Libertas explained that the minor transformation of “freedom of speech, press, and religion” to “freedom from speech, press, and religion” had been validated and authorized by the Party’s proprietary Artificial Intelligence algorithm, MagnusFrater, who will be replacing all nine Supreme Court justices during the upcoming Harris Administration.

“MagnusFrater informed us that the prepositions of and from are often interchangeable,” Libertas continued. “For example, in intergalactic law and common speech, a ‘person of Earth’ and a ‘person from Earth’ mean precisely the same thing, and indeed both expressions are used interchangeably as an insult throughout most of the known universe.”

Libertas said the Democrats will seek to expand “freedom from the press” by encouraging further consolidation of mainstream propaganda media by billionaire oligarch Democrats, and by accelerating efforts to censor and torment the few remaining independent journalists like Julian Assange, Scott Ritter, Richard Medhurst, The Grayzone, Gonzolo Lira, and Judge Napolitano. Additionally, shadowbanning will continue to expand, independent journalists will be increasingly debanked and demonetized, and lawfare efforts to bankrupt anyone who questions official stories will accelerate. “By the end of Harris’s first term, we expect that full freedom from the press will finally be a reality, fulfilling the nightm-, I mean the dreams, of the Founding Fa-, I mean, the Founding Persons of Indeterminate Gender and Paternity.”

Libertas said that freedom from speech will likewise intensify under a Democrat administration. “By ramping up our crackdown on social media, and propagandizing liberals to hate and want to silence those who disagree with them, we expect to make significant progress freeing Americans in general, and Democrats in particular, from speech they don’t like.” A new pandemic, he added, might be useful in that regard, since those who disagree with Democrats could then be further demonized as threats to public health and granny-killers.

As for freedom from religion, Libertas explained that since religion is the cause of all the world’s problems—especially those pesky moral laws that prevent us from fulfilling our unholiest and most depraved desires—the Democrats would continue their efforts, at home and abroad, to create a fully religion-free world. This freedom from religion campaign, he explained, would undergird the Democrats’ roll-out of an even greater freedom, one unfortunately overlooked by the Founding Persons of Indeterminate Gender and Paternity: freedom from life.

“Freedom from life, if you think about it, is the ultimate freedom,” Libertas asserted. “And just because it isn’t mentioned in the Constitution doesn’t mean we shouldn’t have it.” Libertas said that freedom from life should be offered to Americans as early as possible, preferably while they are still in the womb. “The more Americans who are freed from the burdens of life while they are still in the womb, the better,” Libertas said. He added that the right to be free from life should be extended to post-womb Americans by legalizing infanticide. “Why should only womb-dwelling children enjoy freedom from life? That’s a clear violation of the Equal Protection Clause.” He added that the Democrats would attempt to extend Americans’ right to freedom from life even further by legalizing and even encouraging suicide and homicide as well as infanticide.

“Like Martin Luther King, we Democrats have a dream,” Libertas grandly intoned. “We have a dream that one day every American will be engulfed by earth, that universal death will be exalted, and that every homo sapiens shall be brought low. The crooked will be laid straight in their graves, the straight will be laid crooked, and the glory of the Lord of Death shall be revealed as bodies and spirit rot together. This is our hope. This is the faith we will take back with us from Chicago when we return to our big crime-and-drug-ridden coastal cities. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of hope 333.3 million tombstones of despair.”

Libertas added: “The promise of universal freedom from life is now closer to achievement than ever before in human history. By continuing to free Gazans, Ukrainians, and Russians from the burden of life, and by extending that global freedom campaign to China and beyond, we believe that the promise of a planet completely free from life can be fully realized under the coming Harris Administration.”

Libertas’s ringing declaration was met by a chorus of hallelujahs from convention delegates, and marred by only a small smattering of boos from anti-genocide protestors and other malcontents. Those few remaining anti-freedom voices, Libertas pointed out, will be first in line to experience the glories of the coming Democratic regime of Freedom From.